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Conversation with myself
This piece is a letter I would write to myself as child from myself as an adult. It reflects a lot of honesty about my relationship with GOD.
Dear Charisma,
Poppy and Mama are all you have now, or at least you think so GOD was always here…..but later on you will see more people in your life love you more than you realize. I know you really do not get along with your mother and sometimes you do like her for all the ways she has hurt you. She has made mistakes and she regrets some of it but she is not perfect. Keep this in mind. It will come handy one day. I know you do not like being a big sister, it is okay. One day your little sister will need you, in ways you do not realize yet. Learn to share as this will help you later on in life. Your sister is one of the main people you will have to share with. Eventually, you will wear the same sized clothing and possibly shoes. She will not have as much as you do. You will be able to afford buying yourself new things. She will not.
It is not just your father’s fault he was not around. It takes two and mother is just as much the blame.
One day, you will become a beautiful woman; do not ever let a man tell you different. Always respect yourself. If you do not, then who will?
GOD is the head of your life. Sometimes you will be upset, sometimes you will have joy. Just remember as long as you have Jesus, you will not need anyone else. Never let a man have you choose between a relationship with him and your relationship with GOD. Keep GOD first and everything else will follow. One day the man of your dreams will enter into your life, just not when you want him. He will come when GOD sees fit. You are on HIS time.
Once again, remember to keep in mind that the Lord Jesus Christ is Our Savior, when things are sticky He will work it out. Sometimes you may doubt His will or His way, but remember to always have faith; “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”(Romans 8:28) The bible is your basic instructions before leaving earth. Make sure you keep it close and read it as much as you possibly can. It will help you a lot better if you understand the bible yourself and not trust so much in the words of man and his interpretation.
One day, you will meet an amazing guy and his name is Devon. Devon will be on the many people in your life who you will grow to love and appreciate in ways you cannot imagine. Sometimes the two of you will not always agree. Sometimes the two of you will hurt each other’s feelings unintentionally. Be sure to never choose anyone that is not your husband, over him. He is your best friend. You will go through a lot with him and one day it will be complicated, but keep in mind, he has been here longer than anyone else. You will mature faster than him, which will frustrate your relationship but you still have to love him. That is what a best friend does. Although time does not matter, with Devon time is something to cherish forever. You will see one day, whether you want to admit it or not, the disgusting boy who glues you to your chair at nine years old, will become a man who is key to keep around. He will understand you in ways no other man will. He is the peanut butter to your jelly, the ham to your cheese, the apple to your juice and you are the brown to his sugar. The two of you will always be two peas in a pod, even when you are all grown up and in different aspects of life. Devon is your Thing one and you are his Cat in the Hat.
In twelfth grade, you will meet Steven. He will be another important man in your life. He is goofy, agitating, rude, sarcastic, and a lot like a male version of you. You can blame the school system or rather Mr. Dawson, for you befriending this one. Sometimes you will not see eye to eye but it is okay. He still will mean a lot you. He is your Thing two. He will say whatever it is on his mind or not. He will tell you the things you need to hear. Appreciate him, love him, and cherish your friendship.There will come along someone very special to you. This person will be the man who you will lose your virginity to….from there things will become more complex. His name is Joseph. You thought he would be your prince charming. Instead he turned out to be your frog.
Being a grown up, does not mean you will always like your job. Sometimes you will have to work in places where people will not have the same drive, zeal, compassion, respect and care for others as you do. Do not let this intimidate you by far. As long as you are the woman you should be, it should not matter. Just because they are doing it, does not mean that you have to do the same.
Sometimes people will hurt you. It is okay. God never puts more on you than you can bear. Keep it moving and do not let it affect you. People will talk about you, God will love you. People will judge you, God will justify you. It is all good.
There’s so much more I would like to tell you, but there are some things better left unsaid. Some lessons you will have to learn without someone telling you that you have something to learn from it. That is life. The journey will not be easy, but it will definitely be worth it. Through every test, there is a marvelous testimony. One day, what looks like a mess will become a beautiful story to share with the entire world. Until then, press on be strong and remember you are beautiful, charismatic, sweet, caring but most importantly, you are a child of God. He has you, even when you do not think He is there. Be careful baby girl. When life gives you lemons, just mix some lemonade.
With love,
Yourself
